Daffodil Fields

“As the perfume of jonquils, you come forth in the morning.” – Amy Lowell, “In Excelsis”

Too many nights, I’ve wished myself out of existence

Knowing as insomnia plucks sleep: There are no dreams here–

The dreams come in other’s thoughts, like knives

Hitting nerves that swerve us off the highway,

Over the railing and into the Ohio River,

Where we wake up and find ourselves, alone again

Awoken to new realities where nobody floats but passing fish

Feeding on polluted proteins populated with parasitic plastic,

Mixed with oil that goes down well with our fatty acids,

But then no one would know what you did, and still do;

Walking in your fields of flowers you believe worship you,

Unworthy loves lingering in eluded celibacy, a tripped trap

Collapsing a narcissist exposed as she projects me into her field

Where I become her flower, then his flower, and their flower too

Plucked again and again and again in spite of the changing climate,

Plagued by regrowth in memories that never stop coming–

All I can do is count the petals, fallen from the dead daffodils

Who never knew if they were loved or not, like Narcissus

Torn to despair by the person he wanted, but could never be,

One by one they were all plucked, all the little lost pieces

Growing along with them, always trying to please, a naive soul

Plucked by dogma, truth plucked by lying minds, an identity

Plucked in gas-lit apartments filled with illusory children lost

In plucked dreams penned to poetic pots placed on pedestals,

Desperate for water plucked by thirst and wilting, clipped leaves

Plucked one, by one, by, one, a slow-stirred shaman brews,

Pouring himself down the world’s throat, that vacuous vomit purged

Always, always, always will say more about you than me.

Us

Imperfections we all have, but we also have compensations.

Orbiting asteroids, adrift in Kuiper’s belt,

Around, around, a lone teapot is compelled

Both existing and not existing, Schrodinger’s teapot

Lies on the edge, never knowing or known before now–

Why would it be there if its truth were not to be poured?

How did it survive in the cold dark abyss? Not a crack or stain

On, it goes on with it! God, they would call it, “Oh, Teapot!

Great Porcelain One, steep us in your waters and tell us

Who

We

Are

Save us, witness us, deliver us from sin, pour us. share us

Bare us, reveal us within; tell us how to Be like You,

Show us the path to Glory, Glory, Hallelujah, Amen!”

Us, Us, Us, Us, Us, Us, Us, Us, Us, it’s always about Us!

If it were to reveal itself, we’d shove Us into it–

Within a week it would be broken, failing fractures fighting

In a crisis of pride as faith pours into pried pieces of porcelain,

Purloined peaces filling empty mugs become dust and ashes

Swept into black holes under cosmic rugs, thrust into the beyond

Where they too seek truth in hollow spaces filled with imagination.

Bell Towers

All we heard was the sound of the world coming down.

It’s your face

I was never facing

Without grace lost in racing,

Always pacing, pacing, pacing,

Keeping step but always wasting

With you, you, you, always, always chasing

But today, I’m done with the debasement

So come on ghost, let’s face this–

No matter how much time we waste here

Before we leave we’ll meet there

Like old friends we’ve never been

Too distanced, disinterested, and disassociated

Dishonestly drowned bridges always crumbling between us..

I

distance

myself

From you, I’m sorry

We were friends back then but that was all

Before the war, before the bee was stepped on

And your mother lied, “All bees go to Heaven,”

That Christmas, Santa left footprints

We followed them and found grandma

Asleep in the kitchen, asleep in the casket

Asleep in the ground where we followed each other

Walking away ever since–

Ring,

Ring,

Ring

Those Bells, we can always hear them–

There’s really no way out, so let’s come together

Ring, ring, I’ll ring with you, from now to the end of existence

No more running, no more weight, no more shouting to drown it in hate

It’s you & me here resonating doubt, in broken rhymes & toxic mists,

Building vesper towers that should never exist–

If we resist we’ll have lied to cissation

Madwomen’s chimes lost in procession

Straw Men’s Coats

Truth? I don’t buy it.

Away, away, away they slowly trickle,

Followers drenched in toxicity drip, drip, drip

One by one by one down a polylithic tree.

Below, outraged denizens hurl poisonous lies,

Truths burning away doubts embattled with straw;

Where concerned hearts bleed concerning thorns

Garnered, by every bramble they’ve caught..

Misunderstandings surround, begging all below:

Hollow, hollow, hollow, hate, hate, hate, know, know, know..

Followers love falsehoods, the truth is in the strings:

They prefer venom; they prefer snakes;

They prefer constriction of monolithic make..

They,” are the straw men, not like you and me

Us, we aren’t like that, how could we possibly be?

They are tied together, with emotional chains,

We are tied together, the strings in our coats are the same!

Blending, blinding, blending, my lies rattle your chains–

Oh, your bones may rattle too, breaking with my truth

But pay it no mind, those aren’t hooks in you,

Only faith in strings and a lovely new coat..

Truth, truth, truth, like monolithic coats, draped, draped, draped

Toxic veils over the void, where we all lie, fearing polylithic awe,

Happy, happy, happy to buy coats for hollow men made of straw.

Pluralistic Ignorance

Can you believe this idiot?

I tried to lie, but I spoke the truth,

I really didn’t mean to–

The only truth was against the grain

Lost in pluralistic ignorance..

Fascinating bias, assumed impressions distorted,

Falsely engrossed in dispersed forces,

Of social normalcy and comfortable lies

Conforming to become oppressive lullabies–

I’m just too afraid, what if I don’t even exist?

I’ve lost faith in myself to even resist,

So I try to speak truth, I take it from my peers

I shout grotesques to heaven, begging please someone hear,

Let my bell-ringing resonate, let it echo chambers here,

Rattling waggling fingers in safe spaces locked in tears..

Let it mow down the brambles hiding the pathway to truth

Bringing us to freedom and safety’s common booth..

Let it be a guide through the forest surrounding me

Where finally, finally I might really meet me..

But your princess is in another castle, sorry Mario

You’ll have to dig deeper to find this Peach,

She wasn’t kidnapped by Bowser, she wasn’t lost in defeat

She was the sacrifice to falsehood you cast true yourself

You created this monster, you spoke, “Come in,”

“There’s truth in the fridge with a bottle of doubt,”

Harsh truths for controlling men under control..

Ones who create monsters, ones who shake trees

of

their

fruit

Consumed cores buried deep,

Deep under the snow, where she died so long ago

Lying, with seeds of growing truth below..

That the truth is in the lying, the truth is in the pain

The truth is in the proverbs, growing against the grain.

The Aegis

Don’t ever let anyone tell you you deserve that.

“Men like that are Satan,” she said

But me? I didn’t believe her,

I wish I’d had her faith then–

When I needed to’ve lost it most

Solid and sturdy and heavy, but broken,

A burdensome bulwark, strapped,

Sheltering a back made of scars

Only seen through the cracks..

My faith misplaced, I made mistakes,

Inviting him in there beside me–

Where he whispered toxic whims,

Those lies that slimmed, twisted,

And bent me down inside him..

Rise moon, rise from inside me,

Show this gaslit chamber some light

Let the world see the poison hidden there

Before the split tongue takes my sight..

Before I grow fangs, before I grow lies, and before I grow

Poison– Let me see it coming, let me see the way

Let me get out of this toxic, toxic place

Twist me now as he twisted me then,

Wring me of the truths I’ll never know again,

That when wise women tell you a man’s name

You listen– and run, and don’t you ever trust..

You think that’s a bell he’s ringing,

Telling you he needs you too, but it’s the poison

Already sinking deep, deep inside of you..

Before you even knew he struck, he had you

Locked in the affirming lies and slit eyes

You missed the truth told in venom

Not even feeling it when parts of you died..

Unlimited force made you an immovable object

Shaped in his image. You couldn’t even say no..

He took that one away miles ago, and one by one

His tongue slipped in, stealing words from your throat.

All there is now poison, not a wise woman’s wit

Your teeth are fangs, your tongue is forked, your eyes

Frightful slits– Lost from the throne, where he now sits,

Exploiting strings laced through envenomed pits.

Each one contains a flawed piece of self,

The very same ones he ripped from your doubts–

He knows you’ll never come for them, he knows

You’ll never win, he knows he’s in control of you,

He knows, he made the sin, he knows you better now

Than you ever knew you then. That wise woman,

Screaming from within, begging you heed instinct

Begging you to win, begging you only listen, and know

Her wicked whim; how she overcame the Adversary,

Claimed her Aegis, and ran again– she was you after him..

The pieces are still inside, covered by his spit

All you have to do is claim them, with a dip in each of the pits

It’s never going to be easy, there’s lifetimes between each one

But give yourself a little patience, benefit a doubt

And I believe you’ll make it, I know you can get out–

Listen for the listeners, the ones who’ve been there too

Tell them about your doubts and flaws, let them see the real you

Don’t hide it from them, or you’ll never find the pits

Just remember once you reclaim your flaws,

You can build the Aegis with it.

A Liar & a fool – Spoken Word

You’ll know truth by how much it hurts. I could have told you that.

I’m not an idiot.

I’ve uploaded recordings of my latest poem to both YouTube and SoundCloud. Hope you enjoy!

YouTube Version

SoundCloud Version

Life is one long redemption arc

You get a chance to try to make it

Across unavigable seas of sand

Washed across a barren wasteland

There’s someone over there–

She’s ringing my bell, calling me

“Come across,” and I try,

But there’s never enough time

There’s never enough water

There’s never enough me

There’s never enough– can’t make my

Cross, especially when the storms come in

To blow me of course, that toxic force

Wounds wound to implosions

Deep, deep inside my shell

Where she’s ringing the bell

To remind me of the truth–

Truth can never be had

For women who never existed

Long enough to speak the truth lost

In patronized lies, taught at the Fall,

Permeator of our existence..

I know I’ll never make it there,

I wonder if I’ll even have resisted

This is just where I am right now

In the middle of having existed..

I’m sorry for the 3 stamps,

I’m sorry for the tree branch,

And sorry for the person I’m not

But I’m not an idiot, just.. sometimes,

I get caught, in toxic, toxic flaws..

While I was trying to cross

I met a liar and I met a fool

The liar said, “I love you”

The fool said, “Oh, me too.”

They rang their bells together

‘Til the liar ran her through

And the fool said, “Oh, me too.”

We’re all lost like that, liars lying with fools

Which do you want to be?

Well that’s entirely up to you,

I’d rather be no one, I’d rather not fall

I’d rather push on, through this desert

I cross, but 400 days and 400 nights

Was never enough to make it there

So when that snake approaches

And offers venomous ways out

I’ll always take it, I’ll become his doubt

I’ll eat the apple, I’ll drink the spit

I’ll take it in me, I’ll vomit in the pit

Where we’ll ring bells together,

Lost in doubts dipped in toxic whims

..But that’s the person I’m not

I’ve sorted it out, I’ve cut off the venom

I’ve killed the snake pouring it out..

So let me ring my bell,

Let me have this one please

I’m still trying, even when I’m not me

It’s hard when I’m tired, it’s hard when I’m lost

It was never gonna be easy

To make it across..