Bell Towers

All we heard was the sound of the world coming down.

It’s your face

I was never facing

Without grace lost in racing,

Always pacing, pacing, pacing,

Keeping step but always wasting

With you, you, you, always, always chasing

But today, I’m done with the debasement

So come on ghost, let’s face this–

No matter how much time we waste here

Before we leave we’ll meet there

Like old friends we’ve never been

Too distanced, disinterested, and disassociated

Dishonestly drowned bridges always crumbling between us..

I

distance

myself

From you, I’m sorry

We were friends back then but that was all

Before the war, before the bee was stepped on

And your mother lied, “All bees go to Heaven,”

That Christmas, Santa left footprints

We followed them and found grandma

Asleep in the kitchen, asleep in the casket

Asleep in the ground where we followed each other

Walking away ever since–

Ring,

Ring,

Ring

Those Bells, we can always hear them–

There’s really no way out, so let’s come together

Ring, ring, I’ll ring with you, from now to the end of existence

No more running, no more weight, no more shouting to drown it in hate

It’s you & me here resonating doubt, in broken rhymes & toxic mists,

Building vesper towers that should never exist–

If we resist we’ll have lied to cissation

Madwomen’s chimes lost in procession

Straw Men’s Coats

Truth? I don’t buy it.

Away, away, away they slowly trickle,

Followers drenched in toxicity drip, drip, drip

One by one by one down a polylithic tree.

Below, outraged denizens hurl poisonous lies,

Truths burning away doubts embattled with straw;

Where concerned hearts bleed concerning thorns

Garnered, by every bramble they’ve caught..

Misunderstandings surround, begging all below:

Hollow, hollow, hollow, hate, hate, hate, know, know, know..

Followers love falsehoods, the truth is in the strings:

They prefer venom; they prefer snakes;

They prefer constriction of monolithic make..

They,” are the straw men, not like you and me

Us, we aren’t like that, how could we possibly be?

They are tied together, with emotional chains,

We are tied together, the strings in our coats are the same!

Blending, blinding, blending, my lies rattle your chains–

Oh, your bones may rattle too, breaking with my truth

But pay it no mind, those aren’t hooks in you,

Only faith in strings and a lovely new coat..

Truth, truth, truth, like monolithic coats, draped, draped, draped

Toxic veils over the void, where we all lie, fearing polylithic awe,

Happy, happy, happy to buy coats for hollow men made of straw.

Pluralistic Ignorance

Can you believe this idiot?

I tried to lie, but I spoke the truth,

I really didn’t mean to–

The only truth was against the grain

Lost in pluralistic ignorance..

Fascinating bias, assumed impressions distorted,

Falsely engrossed in dispersed forces,

Of social normalcy and comfortable lies

Conforming to become oppressive lullabies–

I’m just too afraid, what if I don’t even exist?

I’ve lost faith in myself to even resist,

So I try to speak truth, I take it from my peers

I shout grotesques to heaven, begging please someone hear,

Let my bell-ringing resonate, let it echo chambers here,

Rattling waggling fingers in safe spaces locked in tears..

Let it mow down the brambles hiding the pathway to truth

Bringing us to freedom and safety’s common booth..

Let it be a guide through the forest surrounding me

Where finally, finally I might really meet me..

But your princess is in another castle, sorry Mario

You’ll have to dig deeper to find this Peach,

She wasn’t kidnapped by Bowser, she wasn’t lost in defeat

She was the sacrifice to falsehood you cast true yourself

You created this monster, you spoke, “Come in,”

“There’s truth in the fridge with a bottle of doubt,”

Harsh truths for controlling men under control..

Ones who create monsters, ones who shake trees

of

their

fruit

Consumed cores buried deep,

Deep under the snow, where she died so long ago

Lying, with seeds of growing truth below..

That the truth is in the lying, the truth is in the pain

The truth is in the proverbs, growing against the grain.

The Aegis

Don’t ever let anyone tell you you deserve that.

“Men like that are Satan,” she said

But me? I didn’t believe her,

I wish I’d had her faith then–

When I needed to’ve lost it most

Solid and sturdy and heavy, but broken,

A burdensome bulwark, strapped,

Sheltering a back made of scars

Only seen through the cracks..

My faith misplaced, I made mistakes,

Inviting him in there beside me–

Where he whispered toxic whims,

Those lies that slimmed, twisted,

And bent me down inside him..

Rise moon, rise from inside me,

Show this gaslit chamber some light

Let the world see the poison hidden there

Before the split tongue takes my sight..

Before I grow fangs, before I grow lies, and before I grow

Poison– Let me see it coming, let me see the way

Let me get out of this toxic, toxic place

Twist me now as he twisted me then,

Wring me of the truths I’ll never know again,

That when wise women tell you a man’s name

You listen– and run, and don’t you ever trust..

You think that’s a bell he’s ringing,

Telling you he needs you too, but it’s the poison

Already sinking deep, deep inside of you..

Before you even knew he struck, he had you

Locked in the affirming lies and slit eyes

You missed the truth told in venom

Not even feeling it when parts of you died..

Unlimited force made you an immovable object

Shaped in his image. You couldn’t even say no..

He took that one away miles ago, and one by one

His tongue slipped in, stealing words from your throat.

All there is now poison, not a wise woman’s wit

Your teeth are fangs, your tongue is forked, your eyes

Frightful slits– Lost from the throne, where he now sits,

Exploiting strings laced through envenomed pits.

Each one contains a flawed piece of self,

The very same ones he ripped from your doubts–

He knows you’ll never come for them, he knows

You’ll never win, he knows he’s in control of you,

He knows, he made the sin, he knows you better now

Than you ever knew you then. That wise woman,

Screaming from within, begging you heed instinct

Begging you to win, begging you only listen, and know

Her wicked whim; how she overcame the Adversary,

Claimed her Aegis, and ran again– she was you after him..

The pieces are still inside, covered by his spit

All you have to do is claim them, with a dip in each of the pits

It’s never going to be easy, there’s lifetimes between each one

But give yourself a little patience, benefit a doubt

And I believe you’ll make it, I know you can get out–

Listen for the listeners, the ones who’ve been there too

Tell them about your doubts and flaws, let them see the real you

Don’t hide it from them, or you’ll never find the pits

Just remember once you reclaim your flaws,

You can build the Aegis with it.

A Liar & a fool

You’ll know truth by how much it hurts. I could have told you that.

I’m not an idiot.

Life is one long redemption arc

You get a chance to try to make it

Across unavigable seas of sand

Washed across a barren wasteland

There’s someone over there–

She’s ringing my bell, calling me

“Come across,” and I try,

But there’s never enough time

There’s never enough water

There’s never enough me

There’s never enough– can’t make my

Cross, especially when the storms come in

To blow me of course, that toxic force

Wounds wound to implosions

Deep, deep inside my shell

Where she’s ringing the bell

To remind me of the truth–

Truth can never be had

For women who never existed

Long enough to speak the truth lost

In patronized lies, taught at the Fall,

Permeator of our existence..

I know I’ll never make it there,

I wonder if I’ll even have resisted

This is just where I am right now

In the middle of having existed..

I’m sorry for the 3 stamps,

I’m sorry for the tree branch,

And sorry for the person I’m not

But I’m not an idiot, just.. sometimes,

I get caught, in toxic, toxic flaws..

While I was trying to cross

I met a liar and I met a fool

The liar said, “I love you”

The fool said, “Oh, me too.”

They rang their bells together

‘Til the liar ran her through

And the fool said, “Oh, me too.”

We’re all lost like that, liars lying with fools

Which do you want to be?

Well that’s entirely up to you,

I’d rather be no one, I’d rather not fall

I’d rather push on, through this desert

I cross, but 400 days and 400 nights

Was never enough to make it there

So when that snake approaches

And offers venomous ways out

I’ll always take it, I’ll become his doubt

I’ll eat the apple, I’ll drink the spit

I’ll take it in me, I’ll vomit in the pit

Where we’ll ring bells together,

Lost in doubts dipped in toxic whims

..But that’s the person I’m not

I’ve sorted it out, I’ve cut off the venom

I’ve killed the snake pouring it out..

So let me ring my bell,

Let me have this one please

I’m still trying, even when I’m not me

It’s hard when I’m tired, it’s hard when I’m lost

It was never gonna be easy

To make it across..

Flaws

On broken mirrors to reflect on.

They’ll break you down

And make you nothing

A perfect void unfilled

Needing to be exploited

A perfect void to fill–

He’s ringing the bell

So come on down,

And down and down and down,

Take one of these, and one of those

To fill and fill and fill, as down and down

And down we go, to get what we need

Below– where the bell ringer waits

To take and take and take and take

Taking payment to make us fake, fake, fake

Surrounded by stuff and wearing masks

Hidden, broken down and hollow pits

Empty still and lying to ourselves

Never willing to admit we’re no one

Because we’re not okay with it

So we ring our bells and follow them

Down to our own hell, to consume

It all and sustain the unsustainable

Insatiable appetites for bells, that ring

And ring, and ring and ring, for more

And more meaningless definitions like:

Shackles to language, and missing rhymes

Lost on filling empty lives with empty lies

Crammed, into dusty cabinets, shaken off

Only when somebody else needs them

So they might not believe what you know is true

Every time you look in the mirror

Inside

A poem written before same-sex marriage was federally legalized in the United States by Obergefell v. Hodges on June 26, 2015.

Happy Pride Month!

“How queer that we’re apart now,

at this final place

of white walls and deal desks

behind which you sit

and say to me, ‘You can’t see her, you’re not family,’

family?   I will show you family

I will show you two in love

In ways which you can never understand

In your petty leather chair

I will show you us.

In an embrace on a sofa

In the final moments of a movie

I will show you happy sighs

I will show you lullabies

What will you show me?

You will show me paperwork

You will show me laws

You will show me meaningless things

You won’t show me love

I will show you knitted scarves

In secretly wrapped boxes

I will show you bedtime books read aloud

In our sweet voices.

I will show you happiness

In sharing a springtime sky

I will show you flowers on countertops

In glass vases and well-loved pots

I would show you all these things

To be

Inside.

What will you show me? It seems clear..

You will show me the door.

But which door will it be?”