The Aegis

Don’t ever let anyone tell you you deserve that.

“Men like that are Satan,” she said

But me? I didn’t believe her,

I wish I’d had her faith then–

When I needed to’ve lost it most

Solid and sturdy and heavy, but broken,

A burdensome bulwark, strapped,

Sheltering a back made of scars

Only seen through the cracks..

My faith misplaced, I made mistakes,

Inviting him in there beside me–

Where he whispered toxic whims,

Those lies that slimmed, twisted,

And bent me down inside him..

Rise moon, rise from inside me,

Show this gaslit chamber some light

Let the world see the poison hidden there

Before the split tongue takes my sight..

Before I grow fangs, before I grow lies, and before I grow

Poison– Let me see it coming, let me see the way

Let me get out of this toxic, toxic place

Twist me now as he twisted me then,

Wring me of the truths I’ll never know again,

That when wise women tell you a man’s name

You listen– and run, and don’t you ever trust..

You think that’s a bell he’s ringing,

Telling you he needs you too, but it’s the poison

Already sinking deep, deep inside of you..

Before you even knew he struck, he had you

Locked in the affirming lies and slit eyes

You missed the truth told in venom

Not even feeling it when parts of you died..

Unlimited force made you an immovable object

Shaped in his image. You couldn’t even say no..

He took that one away miles ago, and one by one

His tongue slipped in, stealing words from your throat.

All there is now poison, not a wise woman’s wit

Your teeth are fangs, your tongue is forked, your eyes

Frightful slits– Lost from the throne, where he now sits,

Exploiting strings laced through envenomed pits.

Each one contains a flawed piece of self,

The very same ones he ripped from your doubts–

He knows you’ll never come for them, he knows

You’ll never win, he knows he’s in control of you,

He knows, he made the sin, he knows you better now

Than you ever knew you then. That wise woman,

Screaming from within, begging you heed instinct

Begging you to win, begging you only listen, and know

Her wicked whim; how she overcame the Adversary,

Claimed her Aegis, and ran again– she was you after him..

The pieces are still inside, covered by his spit

All you have to do is claim them, with a dip in each of the pits

It’s never going to be easy, there’s lifetimes between each one

But give yourself a little patience, benefit a doubt

And I believe you’ll make it, I know you can get out–

Listen for the listeners, the ones who’ve been there too

Tell them about your doubts and flaws, let them see the real you

Don’t hide it from them, or you’ll never find the pits

Just remember once you reclaim your flaws,

You can build the Aegis with it.

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