“Men like that are Satan,” she said
But me? I didn’t believe her,
I wish I’d had her faith then–
When I needed to’ve lost it most
Solid and sturdy and heavy, but broken,
A burdensome bulwark, strapped,
Sheltering a back made of scars
Only seen through the cracks..
My faith misplaced, I made mistakes,
Inviting him in there beside me–
Where he whispered toxic whims,
Those lies that slimmed, twisted,
And bent me down inside him..
Rise moon, rise from inside me,
Show this gaslit chamber some light
Let the world see the poison hidden there
Before the split tongue takes my sight..
Before I grow fangs, before I grow lies, and before I grow
Poison– Let me see it coming, let me see the way
Let me get out of this toxic, toxic place
Twist me now as he twisted me then,
Wring me of the truths I’ll never know again,
That when wise women tell you a man’s name
You listen– and run, and don’t you ever trust..
You think that’s a bell he’s ringing,
Telling you he needs you too, but it’s the poison
Already sinking deep, deep inside of you..
Before you even knew he struck, he had you
Locked in the affirming lies and slit eyes
You missed the truth told in venom
Not even feeling it when parts of you died..
Unlimited force made you an immovable object
Shaped in his image. You couldn’t even say no..
He took that one away miles ago, and one by one
His tongue slipped in, stealing words from your throat.
All there is now poison, not a wise woman’s wit
Your teeth are fangs, your tongue is forked, your eyes
Frightful slits– Lost from the throne, where he now sits,
Exploiting strings laced through envenomed pits.
Each one contains a flawed piece of self,
The very same ones he ripped from your doubts–
He knows you’ll never come for them, he knows
You’ll never win, he knows he’s in control of you,
He knows, he made the sin, he knows you better now
Than you ever knew you then. That wise woman,
Screaming from within, begging you heed instinct
Begging you to win, begging you only listen, and know
Her wicked whim; how she overcame the Adversary,
Claimed her Aegis, and ran again– she was you after him..
The pieces are still inside, covered by his spit
All you have to do is claim them, with a dip in each of the pits
It’s never going to be easy, there’s lifetimes between each one
But give yourself a little patience, benefit a doubt
And I believe you’ll make it, I know you can get out–
Listen for the listeners, the ones who’ve been there too
Tell them about your doubts and flaws, let them see the real you
Don’t hide it from them, or you’ll never find the pits
Just remember once you reclaim your flaws,
You can build the Aegis with it.