A Liar & a fool

You’ll know truth by how much it hurts. I could have told you that.

I’m not an idiot.

Life is one long redemption arc

You get a chance to try to make it

Across unavigable seas of sand

Washed across a barren wasteland

There’s someone over there–

She’s ringing my bell, calling me

“Come across,” and I try,

But there’s never enough time

There’s never enough water

There’s never enough me

There’s never enough– can’t make my

Cross, especially when the storms come in

To blow me of course, that toxic force

Wounds wound to implosions

Deep, deep inside my shell

Where she’s ringing the bell

To remind me of the truth–

Truth can never be had

For women who never existed

Long enough to speak the truth lost

In patronized lies, taught at the Fall,

Permeator of our existence..

I know I’ll never make it there,

I wonder if I’ll even have resisted

This is just where I am right now

In the middle of having existed..

I’m sorry for the 3 stamps,

I’m sorry for the tree branch,

And sorry for the person I’m not

But I’m not an idiot, just.. sometimes,

I get caught, in toxic, toxic flaws..

While I was trying to cross

I met a liar and I met a fool

The liar said, “I love you”

The fool said, “Oh, me too.”

They rang their bells together

‘Til the liar ran her through

And the fool said, “Oh, me too.”

We’re all lost like that, liars lying with fools

Which do you want to be?

Well that’s entirely up to you,

I’d rather be no one, I’d rather not fall

I’d rather push on, through this desert

I cross, but 400 days and 400 nights

Was never enough to make it there

So when that snake approaches

And offers venomous ways out

I’ll always take it, I’ll become his doubt

I’ll eat the apple, I’ll drink the spit

I’ll take it in me, I’ll vomit in the pit

Where we’ll ring bells together,

Lost in doubts dipped in toxic whims

..But that’s the person I’m not

I’ve sorted it out, I’ve cut off the venom

I’ve killed the snake pouring it out..

So let me ring my bell,

Let me have this one please

I’m still trying, even when I’m not me

It’s hard when I’m tired, it’s hard when I’m lost

It was never gonna be easy

To make it across..

3 thoughts on “A Liar & a fool

  1. this makes a great deal of emotional sense to me – how hard it is to resist people who appear to care when there is insufficiency in your life. I’ve been taken in by a few people like this along the way, and they do so much damage. It takes some work to get to the point of being able to say ‘I deserve better than this’ and to know that being alone would be better than having them in your life…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, you really seem to understand what I was reaching for with this, there’s a few other ways you might interpret it but you’ve definitely hit on the emotional core of it. I’ve been hurt by people like that so many times in my life. Some of the abuse I’ve endured recently took me back to the trauma I endured from it, which is a place I and no one else should ever go. This poem was in a very real way my journey back from there.

      Like

      1. revisiting is always painful. But, if you can see the process, it becomes easier to take control and not get overwhelmed by people like this – that’s been my experience, anyway.

        Liked by 1 person

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